movie

Since I reviewed the first Rebel Moon movie, I figured I’d drop a quick review for Rebel Moon – Part Two: The Scargiver. I must report a disappointing lack of man-flesh in this. Daario # 1 (Ed Skrein) shows a lot less skin, Daario #2 (Michiel Huisman) merely shaves his face at some point and reveals that he’s starting to look vaguely like middle-aged Julian Sands, and Tarak (Staz Nair) is running around shirtless but in a cape.

The first half is flashbacks of our Seven-ish Samurai’s backstories, and not very engaging. The second half is where the action picks up. I did enjoy some of the creativity employed here, like the forces sent against the peasants on Veldt and the strategies used by the defenders.

As usual, Zack Snyder is overindulgent with the slow-mo shots and excessive reactions that make the film longer than it needs to be. (he’s not the only director who’s guilty of this excess). As of this writing, IMDb’s rating is 5.2/10 which seems about right; I wouldn’t go higher than a 6 for sure. I would say if you’re going to watch this movie, set up your craft station and hobby your way through the first half. Save your ice cream and popcorn for the second half, where you can dig in for the CGI-heavy spectacles of violence.

Rebel Moon. This was being advertised all over the place and touted as Zack Snyder’s Star Wars. What I came away with was: it’s a Seven Samurai sci-fi pastiche full of beefcake. I would not call it the finest of cinema but I suppose if you want a lot of hot dudes in a sci-fi milieu, Rebel Moon is the movie for you. There is a lot of violence including threatened sexual violence, so fair warning on that.

First of all, we’ve got the two Daarios from Game of Thrones. Daario Naharis was Danery’s Targaryen’s boyfriend mercenary for a while. Yes there were two different actors in this role, and it was hilarious to see both of them in the same scene. Ed Skrein was also the baddie in the first Deadpool movie and you may have seen Michiel Huisman in such series as Orphan Black.

Ed Skrein and Michiel Huisman as Daario Naharis in Game of Thrones.

In Rebel Moon, Skrein plays a poncey British admiral in Nazi-esque getup. The way he holds his face and talks is a bit too reminiscent of Rik Mayall from The Young Ones (a very silly 80’s British sitcom about idiot roommates). However you do get to see Skrein nekkid a time or two, and he’s riiipped.

 

Ed Skrein as Atticus Noble, Rik Mayall as Rik

Ed Skrein gettin’ nekkid. He is even more nekkid at the end of the movie.

Meanwhile our other Daario, Michiel Huisman, plays a sort of ordinary guy, Gunnar. The dude from the town who sells the grain, sometimes in shady ways, but overall he’s a good egg. He doesn’t get nekkid. He does, however, get sexually harassed by a gross big alien dude. I notice this got a lot of criticism as bad portrayal of gay people or something, while ignoring that a young teenage girl almost gets gang raped earlier in the film. Here is a picture stolen from the LadyBoners subreddit.

Other notable beefcake include Djimon Hounson of “Who?” fame showing off the beefcake:

Djimon Hounson and Sofia Boutella

and last but not least, this guy giving off sweaty Fabio vibes. Staz Nair as a griffon-taming barbarian prince. We had seen him previously in Supergirl.

Staz Nair

All in all this was a reasonably okay movie and I’d say if you’re into the sci-fi beefcake you’re in for some eye candy. I believe one of the sequels will feature Staz Nair so get ready for more sweaty beastmaster Fabio scenes. Thanks to Zack Snyder’s trainers for this manchest extravaganza.